DONE PAINTING

With a lot of help from my friend, Nichole, we actually finished painting the living room last night. We put in another long night, but the room looks great. Nichole even admitted that she doesn't like red all that much, but it looks awesome in the living room. During a break in the painting I looked through the Mendard'a ad in the Peddler. Wouldn't you know, the Wainscot knotty pine I want to put in the living room is on sale right now for $7.99 per 9.33 sq feet. My father and I are going to run to Mendard's in Minot either today or tomorrow and pick it up. There isn't a whole lot of space that we have to cover with it, so it won't be that expensive. I am thinking we can get buy with only five 5 Wainscot knotty pine sheets. I am really getting excited over the living room. Now the only thing that will be left in the living room is curtains. After finishing up the living room, I should be done with things until we start the rest of the siding in the spring, along with the main bathroom.

My incision is healing. It itches more than it hurts now. The bruising around the stitches is almost a canary yellow color. What surprised me was how flat the incised area got. It is almost a perfect sunk in square. I lost all the roundness and gained a square crater. I showed it to my mom. My mom said, "Well...I think it should fill back out." That didn't make me feel 100% reassured by the way she said it. I see my doctor again on March 3rd to have the stitches out and go over the lab report. I will ask my doctor about the area filling back out at that time.

The weather has been pleasant. I am getting cabin fever now. I cannot wait to get outside and spend an entire day playing with the girls, and I really want to saddle up my sorrel mare and go riding. The foal this summer will be an added joy to have around. I am starting to miss outdoor activites since it's been so cold. Hopefully spring will be here soon.

THINGS

Yesterday, I got a little painting done in the living room. The deep red looks really nice. However, it does look dark. The knotty pine should lighten it back up a bit. So far, I am really liking the new look of the living room. I also got around to patching the hole in my ceiling. It patched pretty easy and a lot quicker than I thought it was going to be. Now all I have to do is sand down the plaster stuff and it will be totally finished.

Today, I have been cleaning like crazy. It is nice outside today so later I am going to bundle up the girls and take them out. They have cabin fever something fierce and they need to let out a lot of energy. It will also do me a good to get out as well.

For those that do not know already, I have filed for divorce from my husband. I filed back in January. He has been served and got a lawyer. Now our lawyers are discussing things. This would explain a lot of my depression and drab blogs right now. Thanks to all of my friends and family who have given me extra support right now with everything from coming over to watch movies, going out for an evening to forget about things, to helping me with the house. I appreciate it greatly. This has been very hard for me to deal with and I am going through many emotions daily. It’s not going to get easier any time soon. I am sure my mood will get worse before everything is finished. Court is going to be really difficult since divorce is not what I wanted to happen, but there was nothing left I could try to help Darren sort things out. I am done and learning to let go.

OWIE, I'M SORE

Sorry I didn't post anything yesterday. I was going to, but I was tired and sore from surgery.

I was in the minor surgery suite for an hour. Not only were the doctor and nurse present, but the doctor also had a medical student along with him. I swear I had a heart attack when the med student walked in after the doctor. It was very uncomfortable with him being in the room. I wasn't warned or asked about the med student being present, I was already prepped and draped, so there was little I could do about it.

I was given a local anesthetic that I didn’t feel at all when it was injected. The doctor started cutting out the mass and things went well until he got near the end. I could feel a pricking/pinching feeling every now and then. So, the med student got more local anesthetic and injected that as the doctor continued to cut. Either I have some thick skin or the blade on the scalpel was dull because the doc said he was having trouble cutting through the skin in certain places. After the mass came out, and electrocautery was done to stop the bleeding, I was sewn up. I have 7 big sutures in my breast and it feels like it has been shot at point blank range.

When I came home, I wanted to try and patch my ceiling and mask the living room walls for painting. I got the patch up and just started taping when my incision started to burn. It felt like I was on fire. So, I stopped and just chilled out and watched TV for awhile and then went to bed early. I think I might have to give my incision a few days healing before I try and mask the living room. That stinks, cause I am a person who likes to finish something as soon as I get started on it. Which means that feel like I MUST paint right after I get the paint. It has been hard looking at my 3 cans of paint knowing that I cannot do anything with them for a bit.

Well, that is it for now. I am going to sit on the couch and watch The Simpson’s movie and relax.

I'M HAVING SURGERY

In the morning, I go to Devils Lake for surgery at 8 am.

I several months ago, I had a lump on the side of one of my breasts that would come and go away periodically. It wasn’t very bothersome so I wasn’t worried about it. Well, two months ago, the lump reappeared and has been with me ever since. Through the course of the two months it has gotten larger, is very tender to touch, and it a little warm. Clothing irritates it, when I reach out with my arm it burns bad, and showers really suck. I showed it to my doctor and he decided to just cut the area out and send it to the lab to have checked out.

With my PCOS I have fibroids on my ovaries. I can also have fibroids on my breasts too. This is what I am hoping that it is. Because PCOS people have a great increased risk for ovarian and breast cancers, I am also worried about it coming back malignant. However, I have never yet heard of a malignant tumor appearing and reappearing, so I doubt that is what it is. Nevertheless, I am still a bit scarred.

I will post sometime after the surgery and let everyone know how I’m feeling.

THE CLOSET CAME OUT, AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW IT WAS GAY

My friend Nichole called last night after the girls were in bed. She wanted to know what I was doing. I told her to come on over since I didn’t have anything really going on. She came over with the movie Comanche Moon and we had good intentions of actually watching it. She was amazed by how open the two rooms felt with the removal of the cabinets. The closet standing alone next to the counter looked a little odd though. We talked a lot about the closet and what my plans were for the living room. She asked if it was going to be hard removing the closet. I said no, and I showed her how bad the closet wiggled by going up and pushing on it. Nichole’s face brightened, her eyes lit up, and she said “Oh, that thing is coming down now!” and we started at it. The closet proved to be much more difficult than the cupboards. There were a bunch of super long trailer house screws in odd random places. It made us wonder about what kind of mental state the person was in when constructing the closet. About an hour and a half after starting the project, the closet was finally totally disassembled and all the pieces carried outside. The only mishap we had was when we were pulling out the frame. Something went up when it should have went down. We don’t know exactly how it happened, but part of the closet frame went into my ceiling leaving a nice 1x3 hole. I thought I was going to have an aneurysm, but Nichole assured me that is CAN be fixed. Her parents have the same type of ceiling in their mobile home and her father has patches to fix it. The hole is not big and not really noticeable since you don’t look up at the ceiling. I have to repaint the ceiling anyway sometime, so it will not be noticeable at all when it is patched and painted. As weird as it sounds, we did have a good time removing the closet and had a lot of laughs while doing so. After we were finished with that, we found places for most of the stuff from the cabinets and closet. We boxed up some of Darren’s things and stuff that needs to be in the garage and not in the house. That made a lot of room in some of the other cabinets. The house is still in disarray, but I am working on it slowly and things are coming to order. I really do like how open the two rooms feel now. They seem super HUGE. I cannot wait to rearrange furniture and have everything in order once again.

MY NIGHT OUT

My brother and I had a blast Sunday night. We took off for town around a quarter after six after the Daytona 500. On the drive into town, we hit something on the highway that looked like a door to a furnace or the back of a fridge/freezer. It was metal, flat, and had upraised fins on it. Mike pulled over to check his truck and tires. Everything was in good shape so we continued on. When we got into Devils Lake, we went to Holiday and filled up with gas. Coming out of the Holiday parking lot, we were honked at by another car on Highway 2. The Ranch Steakhouse was pretty full, but we were able to get nice little table in a quiet corner. Mik and I ordered our steaks. We talked a lot about several different things over his beer and my merlot. Our steaks arrived quickly. I ordered mine medium but it was still pretty pink on the inside. In fact, if you listened, you could still hear it moo. I sent it back to have it cooked a bit more, and when it came back it was perfect. I was leery about heading out to the casino because of all the “luck” we were having on our night out. Mike persuaded me to go with an argument saying that one of us HAD to win something because of all the bad things happening. We got out to the casino and Mike gave me $20 as a birthday gift to spend while we were out there. I lost 10 right away on one of the machines, so I stopped playing for a little bit and watched Mike for a while. He was doing very well. Eventually we worked our way to the 5 cent Little Green Men machines and I started playing again. We played LGM for a long time until Mike busted. He watched me for a bit. I was up at about $50 and wanted to keep playing. I decided to max bet the machines a few times and then stop. On the second max bet played, I won $95 and stopped playing. When I cashed out I gave Mike his $20 back. I was pretty happy leaving with $75 bucks more then what I went in with…all thanks to Mike.

Last night I finished removing the cabinet frame. The kitchen and living room look just huge now. Since I am not used to the open area, I am not sure if I should have done it or not. I am sure it is okay. I remember the doubts about my gorgeous bedroom when I started that project. Since the cabinets came down nicely, I was able to conserve all the pieces to it. I am going to ask my dad if he wants them for his shop. He is always looking for shelving and cabinet space for all of his stuff. My next projects are going to be painting and putting knotty pine around the living room, updating the kitchen a bit, and work on some things outside. However, I don’t have a lot of money and I need to watch what I spend. All these things will take a while to get done. I am in no hurry. I really want to clean up the yard something fierce this summer. I hate how cluttered the yard looks, especially the back yard, with all the junk laying around. My dad is going to bring his dump truck over sometime this spring so we can get that done. Also, with some money from my income tax return, I need to buy the rest of the siding for the house. We are going to finish that this spring too.

Does anyone know if I will loose all my pics and old posts if I change the template of my blog? I would like to change my blog up a bit, but I am scared too because I like to go back and read some of my old things. Also, I pull old pics off my blog from time to time and I don’t want to loose them.

I COULD BE A CARPENTER....WELL, MAYBE NOT

I have a problem. When I get into my low moods, I like to change the look of my house. Sometimes it’s just a room, not the entire home.

I was sitting in my living room today watching the pre race stuff for the Daytona 500. I looked over at the counter that divides the kitchen from the living room. I started thinking how nice it would be to actually use the counter. However, four cabinets stand over the counter giving roughly 2 feet of space between the bottom of the cabinets to the top of the counter. Not very functional. Then I had an epiphany. Take out the cabinets for a clear view into each room. Then I can use the counter and eventually get some bar stools for the living room.

I went over to the cabinet/count area and pulled off all the moulding around the edging of the cabinets. Luck would have it, there were gaps between the cabinet walls and the walls of the house. I examined the back wall of the cabinets, that faces the living room, and noticed only staples holding the paneling onto the cabinet frame. With a little help from a screw driver and a lot of help from a hammer, I was able to remove the entire back of the cabinets. I removed all the junk, literally, out of the cabinets. I went into the kitchen, removed the four doors, and I was looking through the cabinet frame right into my living room. So far, this was going easier than I imagined. All I needed to do now was break down the frame and the cabinets were gone. I started checking out the frame and noticed that someone insanely stapled all the 2x2s together making it one big solid unit. The only thing keeping the cabinets up were about special 12 trailer house screws. Now, everyone who has living in a mobile home knows the screws I am taking about. They are a “special” screw that has a head similar to a bowtie shape. You need a special screwdriver to remove them. Again, being a mobile home owner, I have such a screwdriver. What I didn’t plan on was the length of the screws. I was twisting and turning one of them for what felt about twenty minutes and it was not out of the wall yet. It was turning into a very strenuous task. I finally got burnt out and quit. I only have about 8 more screws to go and then I am done. I am going to check out Wal-Mart tonight to see if they have a special bit head for my electric drill to make this go faster. But I have noticed one other problem, and it’s a big problem. The cabinets are flush with the walls. When I do get the frame loose, it will rest on the counter top. How I will get off the counter top? I am going to have to try pulling it straight out into either the kitchen or living room. If that isn’t going to work, I will have to tip it over into one of the rooms. They sound like small issues, but you have to be here to visualize it in order to appreciate the situation.

So now, I am just sitting here blogging and occasionally looking up at the skeleton now hanging above my counter top. I am finished for the afternoon. The screwdriver thing sucks. I am not going to do anything about getting the frame down until after I go to Wal-Mart. I really need to get out of this funk of “changing” things when I am depressed. Lord knows what I am going to try and attempt after this. On the super plus side, I have completed all assignments and the Final test for my Understanding Health Insurance class. I have finished the course 2 months ahead of schedule. That should knock off SOME stress.

TO THE LADIES

I have had an extremely rough, depressing time lately. I haven't been able to focuse on things that need to get done. I will admit that I have stopped caring about what I do, how I look, my college work, how clean the house is, and everything else in general. The things that are keeping me going are Cassidy and Jessie, God bless them, and thinking of springs arrival so that I may get outside more and spend it with my girls, ride my horse, and spend a lot of time in my neighbors horse barn with some of his young horses.

Late last night, after sobbing and venting to a good friend on the phone, she came over with the movie Mr. Woodcock and a poem. She stayed a lot later than she had to, but she was here and I was greatful for that. The poem I love in an odd, creepy way.

Sunday, after the Daytona 500, my brother wants to take me out to eat at either The Ranch or The View, and afterwards he wants to take me to the casino so we can play Little Green Men for a while and talk. I am looking forward to it. It will be nice to talk to my brother about a lot of things that are effecting me lately. I have always been close to Mike and I tell him a lot of things that I cannot tell anyone else. I am hoping it will help get a lot of things out of the way and make me feel better.

To The Ladies

by Mary, Lady Chudleigh

Wife and servant are the same,

But only differ in the name:

For when that fatal knot is tied,

Which nothing, nothing can divide,

When she the word Obey has said,

And man by law supreme has made,

Then all that's kind is laid aside,

And nothing left but state and pride.

Fierce as an eastern prince he grows,

And all his innate rigor shows:

Then but to look, to laugh, or speak,

Will the nuptial contract break.

Like mutes, she signs alone must make,

And never any freedom take,

But still be governed by a nod,

And fear her husband as her god:

Him still must serve, him still obey,

And nothing act, and nothing say,

But what her haughty lord thinks fit,

Who, with the power, has all the wit.

The shun, oh! shun that wretched state,

And all the fawning flatterers hate.

Value yourselves, and men despise:

You must be proud, if you'll be wise.

BORING 'OL BIRTHDAY

My plans for my birthday last night were to go out with my best friend Rainy. We were going to bar hoping between the 2 bars in Leeds. However, mother nature stopped us from doing so. Since we were in a blizzard warning from 10 pm last night to 6 pm tonight, we decided that it was better to stay home then get stuck in the weather. I spent my night chatting online with a friend and watching the 4th Harry Potter movie, The Goblet of Fire. It was a very riveting night, let me tell you! I don't mind, though. I haven't really done anything on my birthday since Jessie was born.

My poor house needs to have the siding finished or it is going to start falling apart. It was supposed to be finished 2 years ago when we started the project, but something alway came up instead. The main bathroom needs work too. There is a great big hole in the floor, the tub is cracked in 4 places and it also has a hole in it, and the siding on the inside of the shower is trying to fall off. The kitchen needs linoleum bad, and the bathroom in my bedroom needs a lot of work. I like my home, but it does remind me often of the movie The Money Pit with Tom Hanks. The only thing that hasn't happend to me yet has been taking a ride down a banistered stair case in a claw-foot tub while I am covered in plaster. However, now that I have said that, it will probably happen. Eventually I would love to have a nice deck, another pool since ours crapped out last summer, and a field rock/cement cooking pit...and when I really have some extra money, I would love a roof extended over the deck. Listen to me talk. It is like I have won the PowerBall lottery or something! I know all of these plans will take years to accomplish, but it is nice to have little goals for myself when I start working again. It will really help me enjoy my yard more too.

SICK, AGAIN. HOW SURPRISING.

We are all sick. Nasty barky hacky coughing, sneezing, runny noses...the whole works. I was hoping that I wouldn't have to take any of us into the clinic but Jessie was getting really sick.
Yesterday I could feel Jessie's raspy chest against me when I tried to rock with her. I also noticed that she started to breath funny like she was really trying to get air. I called the clinic and was able to get her in to see our doctor. Jessie has bronchitis, again. She is on meds and I was given a prescription for a nebulizer machine from CareMedical. She has to have 4 neb treatments a week. This morning, Jessie did not wake up until 11. She was up long enough to get a dose of meds and a neb treatment and then she went back to bed around a quarter to 12. She didn't wake up again until 6 pm. She just layed down at 9 for bedtime and she was super tired when I walked out of the girls' bedroom. I am hoping that tomorrow she feels a bit better.

Tomorrow is my birthday! I will offically be one year shy of 30. I had plans to go out with a couple of friends for the evening and just enjoy the night and my mom was going to stay at my house with the girls. However, the blizzard watch in ND for Friday and Saturday squashed my plans royaly. Oh well, whatcha gonna do bout it?

TEXT MESSAGE DOES NOT = VOTE

I understand that political influence is starting to get unbareable this time of year and will continue to steadly increasing in annoyancy until November. I don't mind it, don't get me wrong, but political parties cross the line when I get a stupid text message on my phone early in the morning that I have to pay for to read.

This is what I got got this morning type exactly how it was sent in the text:

Ron Paul: the only Republican 4 low taxes, less spending, gun rights, no amnesty, and no UN. RonPaul2008.com Paid for by Ron Paul 2008, PCC. 2 STOP reply STOP

Well thank you, Ron for the tidbit of information. Now who do I send the bill to for this stupid message? Oh, and by the way, just because you send me a text doesn't mean I am going to vote for you. I have yet to check out the website and I have not decided it I want to look at it or not.

Anyone else get one of these dumb things besides me?

GIANTS WON THE SUPERBOWL

Superbowl Sunday wasn't anything spectacular. I went back out to Billy's house and made supper. I cooked two small roasts and cheesy bacon sour cream mashed potatoes, Billy heated up a can of green beans and added real bacon pieces to it, and for dessert we had a Schwans strawberry cheesecake ice cream pie. Needless to say, we all ate very well. I were rooting for the Giants. We all have been sick of the Patriots and the fact that the Pats still got to play after a $700,000 fine made us all mad. They shouldn't have even been allowed to participate in the playoffs. I am not saying that they are the ONLY team to be caught cheating, I am sure that some of them out there still do, but if you are going to do it and get caught at it you better be prepared to sacrifice big time.

Today the weather has been down right crappy. It's been cold, blowing snow, and we could get between 2 to 4 inches by morning. I am soooo ready for spring. The groundhog saw his shadow so there is supposidly six more months of winter. I recently began thinking, "maybe Mr. Groundhog is getting old and can't see well anymore. Maybe he didn't even realize he SAW his shadow." Hey, when I dream, I dream big....

I have started my last semester of college. If things go well and there are not many interferances, I will graduate this May. I have the option of walking in the grad procession at Williston State if I want to. I have been thinking about it. It would be really cool to do that and my sister said she would even come home from Minnesota for it. However, it is a long way to go for just a day. The girls would be cranky from all the car riding and I don't know if I can afford a hotel room in Williston. I am still thinking about it though. I am also getting an online resume together. I am going to post it online at Monster.com and Jobsnd.com to help get me obtain a job so I can start working after I graduate. I am not sure if I want to start right away though, cause my dream before work is a long weekend at Glacier National Park. I don't care if I am going by myself....I am getting there one way or another!

HEY I'M BACK

After a 3 week hiatus I am back writing on my blog. Crazy, isn’t it? I couldn’t believe that I went that long without sharing any information with all of my dedicated readers. I vow never to let you hang that long again without good reason.

Two weeks after Jessie’s birthday, Billy Jo’s youngest son turned 2. They had a great little party for him out at the farm. The girls and I went to it and spent the night at their house. After the kids went to bed, we kept ourselves occupied with a couple of board games and adult beverages. However, Billy’s poor dining room table suffered critical loss of 3 chairs. Who ever though Gestures could be so seriously competitive? Friday my mother kept the girls overnight so I could spend the night at Billy’s again. Billy decided to throw me a little mini party for my birthday since she and her husband will not be home next weekend for my actual birthday. It was A LOT of fun. I hope we get to do that again sometime…but no time soon. I am going to be recovering for a while from this one.

Last week I finally got to taking down my Christmas tree and I cleaned up my house really well. I have found that keeping my house meticulously clean gives me a Zen feeling. The girls have also gotten better at keeping all their food, snacks, and drinks in the kitchen and not dragging it through the house. However, Jessie gets into mischief a lot. She has a fascination of taking the dirty clothes out of the hampers and stuffing as much clothes as she can in the toilet. She also likes to climb in and out of her crib, and she likes to dump things out on my floor. Oh well, I know this stage will not last forever. I am sure in another 20 years it will be cute. Cassidy is doing wonderful. She is active as ever, likes to play her board games and games on the playstation. She is always drawing and coloring. She does get severe cases of cabin fever now and then. She is looking forward to spring as much as I am.

This summer I plan on spending a good portion of time at the family lake cabin. Darren ever liked to go there and I always wanted to be up there. The girls enjoy it too. I also am kicking around plans to go to Glacier National Park in Montana after graduation. I and some friends would like to spend a long weekend out there and camp in tents. I will have to see how much it costs me. One thing I will do before I die is visit all the national parks in the US.