THE HECKLING CONTINUES...

I was on my way home after work today and my truck engine started to make a loud ticking sound with every rotation. I slowed down to about 40 miles per hour and drove it to Cenex so the mechanic could listen to it. The mechanic gave me a really bad look when he heard the engine. He said the sound IS a rod getting ready to give out. He told me to go home and park it, because it will not make another trip to Leeds and back without leaving me stranded on the road. Just what I didn't want to hear. The engine in my truck is hard to come across if I wanted to find a used engine and put it in the truck. The current engine might be repairable, but he will have to pull the engine out, check/replace the rod, then check the crank shaft to make sure there isn't any damage to that. He said the parts are not all that expensive, but the labor will be horrible. Now I have to decide if it's worth saving or not. However, since I live on a mini-farm and have horses, I don't see how I cannot go without my truck. Damn it anyway.

In the span of two days, I have lost both vehicles. Now I don't have anything to drive. My parents have a vehicle that I may be able to use, but it can't go long distances and there are still problems with that vehicle that haven't been worked out yet. I could at least use it to go back and forth to work, but nothing else. I don't want to have that car bomb out on me either, and the way things are going, there is a great possibility of that happening.

The ONLY thing left that could go wrong is something with the house. I have been praying more now than any other time I can remember, hoping that everything will work out okay. I am a struggling single mother of two wonderful little girls who can just barely pay the bills and take care of my children's needs. I don't know how much more stress and pressure of life I can take. I am getting ready to toss in the towel.

I am sure it will all workout in time, but I would just like all the bad stuff to end. Right now would work just fine for me.

I BELIEVE I AM BEING HECKLED BY A HIGHER POWER

Lately things have been going well for us up until last week. Now I am starting to feel like a one-legged cat trying to bury a turd on a frozen pond.

It was brought to my father's attention that the man who owns the North side of the pasture that I share a fence line with plans to let a friend, whom is getting a divorce, put some horses in his side of the land. I am not upset about this. Since it is his pasture, he can do what he wants with it. What upset me, was that he wasn't going to tell anyone about it. I would have appreciated a phone call about it so I knew what was going on. I have heard that this other man has about 7 horses and a stallion. Nobody knows if all the horses are coming over or just a few of them. I have tried to buy the North side from him for years, but he doesn't want to sell. The last offer I got from him about the land was $6000, that is $1000 an acre, and to me it isn't worth that much. Farm land isn't even worth that much. I made the decision to just put up a new fence. It's something that I should have done about 5 years ago, when I knew I wasn't going to be able to purchase the land. I got the T-posts up and the wood posts in. I also got a decent corner up as well. Now all I have to do is wait for some of the water in the slough to recede and then I can put up the North West line, string the wire, and I will be done.

This Monday while I was in Leeds my car made a popping noise, almost like it back-fired. Then a lot of white smoke came out of the exhaust and the car would not go faster than about 3 miles an hour with the gas pedal pressed all the way to the floor. I was able to drive it to my parents house. My dad took a look at the car and said whatever happened was not good. He called the mechanic at the York Farmers Union and the mechanic guessed that it was the head gasket. When I talked to him today about it, he is now thinking it could be a rod went through the wall of a piston. Cenex Farmers Union is working on a lot of Spring vehicles for farmers right now, and I have been told that it's going to be a while before they can get my car in. I am going to wait and have Cenex do the work on my car. I could go out and find someone else to fix it, but I have credit at Cenex and I just paid my account off, so it's a clean account and the only charge on it will be the expense of fixing the car...which I know will be at least $1500 minimum. It will be a much larger amount if they have to put a new crate engine in it. So now I am driving my '77 farm truck that gets 10 miles to the gallon at best. Oh well, it's at least something and I'm not hoofing it.

I have sent out a lot of applications for work-at-home medical transcription. I have my Associates in transcription and it would be nice to use it. I applied to 7 different companies. Three of them have already emailed me back and said that even though my resume is really impressive, I do not have enough experience to work for them. Most companies that I have found want at least 3 to 5 years of experience. Regardless of how much experience they want, I have been applying to every company I've come across, and I will continue to do so until I find something. If anyone out there has a connection inside a medical transcription company, clinic, or hospital please put in a good word for me. My job with Verety ends on May 12th and I want to have another job by then. My biggest expenses right now are gas and daycare. Between those two, I spend roughly $800 a month. Driving to Devils Lake or Rugby for a minimum wage job is a bit out of the question. I would barely make enough to just pay those two bills, and I still have monthly utilities to pay.

I am trying to stay positive and upbeat with everything going on. Lord knows it's extremely hard to do so, and I have very weak moments when I don't know how I am going to manage everything. Thank you to the few good friends that I have for all the encouragement, support, and words you have given me to keep me going. You do not know how much I appreciate everything.