THIS ONE'S FOR JOSIE

In response to your post on your blog, I am sorry to have "put you in your place" however I didn't even know that I had. Just don't assume that someone hates you just because they don't say something to you when you expect them to. We are friends, and will always be.

Before you attack me and think that I am snubbing you, which I am not, you could have easily come up to me and started talking to me (and visa versa) but WE BOTH WERE BUSY.

I was happy to see you arrive at Baby & I and I wanted to talk to you but you started to talk to Mary Anne right a way and after you and Mary Anne had your chat, you started talking to another mother and was cuddling her baby and I didn't want to butt in on the conversation you started with her. You didn't come over and say hi or anything to me and I was nursing Jessie at the time and I was also talking to another mother and I was going to talk to you but you left before I had the chance to say anything to you. When all the mom's left, I stayed with Mary Anne in the Day Room until a quarter past two.

Next time you are there and if I am not already engaged in a conversation, or when I am done talking, I will gladly talk to you. I want to catch up on everything and see how things are going for you guys.

Please, don't be offended because I don't hate you.

CONGRATULATIONS TO BILLY JO AND VINNY

It's been a very long time since Billy Jo updated her blog so I just wanted to let everyone know that she gave birth to a baby boy, Ashtyn, on 1/28/06. He weighed 7 lbs and 1 oz. You can check him out on the Towner County Medical Center website at www.tcmedcenter.com and go to the bassinet.

FINALLY A FAMILY AND ANOTHER PROBLEM

Finally on Wednesday the 25th, 12 days after she was born, Jessie was allowed to come home.

After finishing all the discharge paperwork, I took Jessie up to the 1st floor for Baby & I because Jessie was going to need to nurse, I wanted to talk to Mary Anne, the lactation consultant. about a few things, and I also had a doctor appointment later that day anyway.

When the lactation consultant asked me to introduce myself and my daughter to the group and tell them about all the "fun" we had been having the last two weeks I couldn't say anything. I was just so damn happy to be taking her home after two weeks that the flood gates opened up and the water ran wide. All I could do was cry, I couldn't even say my name.

After I calmed down and told our story some of the other moms told me about their experiences and how some of their babies were born early too. It felt good to be in a group of people and not feel alone because they knew how it felt.

Jessie has been a really good baby. All she does is eat and sleep. She hasn't been fussy once and Cassie really loves her little sister. I am also impressed with Cassie because she hasn't shown that she's had to make an adjustment. She knows Jessie is home and wants to hold her sometimes but most of the time Cassie just goes about doing her normal day to day things and I think that because Jessie just sleeps all the time has been a big part of that which I am grateful for because it makes it easier on myself and Darren.

APRIL - I was nursing Jessie when you called and I did want to talk to you. Cassie wasn't upset about anything. She was having fun playing in the clean cloths on the bed and was tossing them around when you called.

KARISSA & DOUG - Thanks for the wishes and comments. I have needed them a lot and it helped me keep a good attitude and outlook when I was feeling depressed.

KSoFM - How am I feeling??? I think you are going to be sorry you asked....I was great up until Saturday. Saturday Darren, his cousin, and my brother went to an ice fishing tournament. While they were gone I started to feel light headed and each time I stood up I got a head rush and a headache. After a while I got really bad abdominal cramps along with a very bad back ache and I am sure I had a fever because I would sweat to death and then the next hour I would be freezing. Thinking it was just the flu I didn't think anything about it. Sunday the fever was gone but I still had abdominal pain. Today around 10 am I had an abdominal crap that took me to the floor and made me cry, when I got up I felt a rush of fluid and went to the bathroom to check it out. I had bleeding, REALLY BAD bleeding that was super dark, like chocolate syrup dark. I called my mom right away and she told me to get in to the clinic. I called the clinic and the woman who answered the phone gave me a huge run around about how I should see my doctor who did the section in Minot. This problem couldn't wait so I called Mary Anne told her the run around I was getting so she spoke to the doctor who worked me in. My mom came home from work to watch the kids while I went into town. Mary Anne met me at the clinic and came into the doctors office with me......Now if you have a weak stomach, don't read the next part unless you REALLY want to know what happened......the doctor did a physical exam to see where the blood was coming from and why my abdomen was cramping and why it was so tender. Turns out that after delivery my body didn't expel all the blood clods and there is a clot in the opening of my cervix and my uterus is trying to push the clot out causing the cramping and the blood is from the clot that is actually liquefying and running out. YUCK!! GROSS!! Probably too much for you I know, I am sorry, but you asked. The doc thought about doing a DNC (dig-N-scrap) where they knock you out cold, go inside and dig everything out but he thinks that over a few days it should all liquefy and come out. However, if I get a fever again or if the pain doesn't go away after four days or so I am supposed to call him.

So......there it is. I am enjoying my time with Jessie and Cassie and I hope this clot comes out soon without another clinic visit.

Sorry I haven't kept everyone updated. So much has gone on in the last 3 weeks that I am just exhausted. I will try harder at keeping you all updated, I promise.

Jessie just stretching out on the couch after her afternoon feeding. 

Little Jessie finally at home and asleep in her crib. 

I think this pic is cute because her cloth diaper and diaper cover make her butt look twice as thick as her body. 

NO JESSIE YET

When I got to the hospital yesterday evening for a feeding, Mary Anne (the hospital's lactation consultant) was already there and she was holding and cuddling Jessie. Mary Anne was happy to hear about the good progress we had with Jessie over the weekend when Mary Anne wasn't there. She stayed for the feeding and also told me that starting that morning, they put Jessie on a 24 calorie diet just to make sure she is getting the extra calories she needs to help maintain her weight now that she is gaining. Mary Anne doesn't think it's something that I will need to follow once we get Jessie home but I know how to give it to her if I do.

Mary Anne also informed me that they were running low on the breast milk that I had pumped for them while I was in the hospital and that I needed to bring some up. That wasn't a problem, since I have been pumping every three hours at home since I was discharged, I have 15 nine ounce bags of milk in my freezer. I picked one up on my way home and took it to my mom to have her run it down to the nursery since she had to be to work by 5 am this morning.

I got up this morning at 3:30 am to pump, one of the not-so-great things I have to do, and I decided to call the hospital and check in on Jessie.The nurse said that Jessie gained another 2 ounces!! That makes little Jessie 4 pounds and 13 ounces now. Still a little way from her birth weight of 5 pounds 7 ounces but she's getting there.

When I got up in the morning at 8:30, I called the hospital again hoping to hear that Jessie could come home but the nurse said that the doctor wants to keep her one more day.

I am starting to get fustrated and a little mad. They keep saying "in a day or two" or "maybe tomorrow" and I get excited thinking that the next morning I can bring her home. It's a real disappointment to hear the nurse in the morning saying "another day". I know better than to let myself get too excited thinking about her coming home but it's hard not too.

Since they are going to keep her one more day I am going to have to run more milk up to the hospital when I go to make sure they have enough through the night.

Tomorrow there is Baby & I and I also have my 1 week post-baby check up with my doctor. I am hoping that Jessie is discharged tomorrow so I can take her to Baby & I and also to the doctor's appointment so my doctor and the clinic nurses can see her. I have decided to leave Jessie in the care of the doctor that has been taking care of her at the time of her birth since he is familiar with everything that has been going on so if we have to take her back to the hospital for some reason, he will know what's up.

It will also be a great day for discharge too because my mom told me that she will keep Cassie over night so that I don't have to worry about her in the morning and I can get on the road right for my appointments and I can go early to get Jessie.

Here is hoping AGAIN that everything works out.

MORE JESSIE NEWS

The 8 pm feeding up at the hospital went very well. Jessie nursed for 10 minutes off of both sides and the nurse's didn't have to finger feed her because she got enough milk. Darren and I stayed up at the hospital for a couple of hours before heading back to York. We got home around 11:30 and got some decent sleep since my mom and sister had Cassie for the night.

Yesterday I went back to the hospital around 10:30 am to make it for the 11:30 feeding. Jessie did wonderful! She nursed for 45 minutes!! The longest she has nursed for us yet. Jessie went right back to sleep after eating and I nursed her again at 3. She didn't nurse as long as the first time, but at least she is nursing well now.

I was surprised by the generosity at the hospital yesterday too. After the first feeding at the hospital, I went down to the cafeteria to get something to eat and the woman working there asked if I was the mother coming in all the time to fee her baby...she said that when I am there feeding the baby, I don't have to pay for my meals in the cafeteria. I was very shocked but at the same time grateful because I hate running out to get fast food and the fast food starts to get expensive when I have to pay for gas every other day to go back and forth to Devils Lake.

I called the hospital this morning and the nurse I spoke with gave us some good news. Jessie gained an ounce and a half from yesterday. The doctor wants to keep her yet though to make sure she continues to gain and isn't going to start losing again. I am hoping that if Jessie gains more again today/tonight that the doctor will let us bring her home tomorrow. She is close to a week and a half old and we want her home so we can really start feeling like a family.

My mom is going to watch Cassie again for me today when she gets off of work so that I can run into town and feed Jessie at 3:30. I will probably only be able to stay for the one feeding because my mom will have to get up early in the morning to go back to work so she can't keep Cassie too long.

I am just praying that we get that phone call tomorrow saying that our daughter has been discharged and can come home.

JESSIE'S GETTING BETTER

Every day since being discharged from the hospital, I have been going back up there for about 5 hours a day to help feed and try nursing Jessie. Slowly but surely she is getting better.

She has started to nurse very well but is preferring one side over the other. No big deal because she seems to get enough milk from the one side and then I just have to pump the other side when she gets done. If she tires out too fast and doesn't nurse well, the nurses just take the milk that I pump and then finger feed it to her and she does well with finger feeding.

Yesterday the doctor had her feeding tube taken out so that's a relief. She isn't hooked up to anything anymore and now just looks like a normal, but very small, baby.

Today she nursed really great, for probably about 15 minutes, and she was so content after the nursing that she didn't need to be finger fed.

It's really great to see all these improvements. I can't believe she is already over a week old and she isn't home yet. We were hoping to have her home by this weekend but now it may be Monday or Tuesday....it just depends on her.

Darren and I are going to try and get back into town tonight for Jessie's 8 o'clock feeding even though the weather isn't very good with all the wind and blowing snow. My mom is watching Cassie for the night and if the weather gets too bad we can always stay at the hospital and come home in the morning.

I took a few more pics today so I posted them for every one to see.

I will keep you all posted on Jessie's progress.

To help show the "tinyness" of Jessie, here is a pic of dad's thumb next to her foot. 

Little Jessie sleeping in her hospital crib before I woke her up to nurse. 

Sleeping Jessie. 

The Hanson Family. Mom, Dad, big sister Cassidy, and baby Jessie. 

Jessie Ann Hanson 

BABY JESSIE

Here is our story...

We got to the hospital and were admitted before 6 am last Friday. The nursery was already very busy because of 4 births during the night, two early in the morning, two presently on the way, and with my c-section our baby made baby number 9 for the nursery in a 24 hour period.

I went through all the normal pre-operative stuff and then when the nurses were done they let Darren into my room where we waiting to be brought down to surgery.

One of the nurses came by and said that the doctor who was doing the section was running 15 minutes late so they just took us down to surgery right away to wait for the doc down there so they could get started right away.

Our daughter, Jessie Ann, was born at 8:25 am. Weighing a very small 5 pounds and 7 ounces. Much less than we and the doctors had expected her to weight. Needless to say, she was born too early.

Darren went with Jessie back to the nursery while the doctor and nurses finished up with me in surgery. When I was taken back to my room, Darren was there looking for names in the baby book and he was the one who gave Jessie her name. I am very proud that he found a great name that we both liked.

However, soon we were informed how serious life was for her right away. During the first night her billyruben (sp) went up making her very jaundice and she still wasn't nursing so I had to pump while the nurses finger fed Jessie. Because of her jaundice the doctor gave an order in the middle of the night to have an IV put in to see if they could control it.

The second day didn't hold much changed other than the doctor took the IV out because Jessie was starting to get enough fluids by being finger fed.

On day three, the doctor had Jessie put under fluorescent lights to break up the billyruben in her system because the jaundice was getting worse.

On the fourth day, I was discharged but had to leave little Jessie behind because she wasn't nursing and she isn't allowed to come home until she proves to the nurses and doctors that she can do it all on her own without help. Also after 24 hours, Jessie was taken out of the fluorescent lights because her billyruben dropped to a safe level and she wasn't yellow anymore.

It was very hard for Darren and I to leave Jessie behind. No one should have to leave their newborn behind. It just torn us apart and has been very stressful for us.

We have had a lot of support from the staff at the hospital. They let us call 24 hours a day to check in and see how Jessie is doing. They have also been letting us come and go in the nursery to help feed, hold, rock, and change some of Jessie's diapers ourselves when we want to.

Yesterday I made it up to the hospital for two feedings. The first one I couldn't get Jessie nurse at all but the second one went every well and the lactation consultant, MaryAnne Fetterly, was there to see things over and was very proud of how Jessie was nursing.

Today I am going up to the hospital for Jessie's noon feeding and I am going to stay for her 3 o'clock feeding and see how they go. All Jessie has to do now is start to nurse on her own and she can come home. We are hoping that she will be able to come home by the weekend but they can't promise anything. It's all up to Jessie.

It's been very hard. I can't say how many times I have broken down and cried over everything but she is doing much better than the last days.

Thanks to my mom, my brother Mike, April, Kevin, Brandi, Mellisa, Deb & Dave, and Darren's friend Reed for coming to the hospital to visit. A very big Thank You for April from coming to the hospital one evening, sneaking me in McDonalds and talking for a while, after I called her up one evening all depressed. I really need someone there...thank you.

I have posted all the pics that I have of Jessie. When I take more, I will post them. With Jessie being so sick, we haven't gotten a lot of picture opportunities.

I will keep you all informed on Jessie's condition and how she is doing.

Mom, Dad, and baby Jessie. 

Newborn Jessie only hours old. 

. 

Here you can see the IV that is bandaged around Jessie's hand. 

Daddy and little Jessie. 

Grandma and Grandpa Hanson with grand daughter Jessie. 

A very proud papa! 

Mom watching Cassie carefully as Cassie holds sister Jessie. 

This is probably going to be the last post until I get home from the hospital with baby. Then I don' t know how much time I am actually going to have to post. I will try and find time to write a short line or two each day when both the kids are napping.....hoping that they will nap around the same time.

I got up this morning at 8 am and started cleaning and washing more laundry right away. For some odd reason, things just couldn't be clean enough. I cleaned up our bedroom, the bathroom, and then moved on to Cassie's room. To see all the books, toys, and stuffed animals all over the place just drove me nuts. I started putting her things back in their places but it was hard to do cause she kept pulling them right back out making things a mess again. Around 11 I made myself stop. What was the point. I know it's difficult to keep things very clean during the day when Cassie is awake and I am sure that Darren's folks know how that goes cause they had two children themselves.

When I am done with my doctor's appointment today, I am going to run and return some stuff for Darren that he got at Mac's Hardware, then I am going to run to Wal-Mart and get the smallest package of newborn diapers available. I am doing the whole cloth diaper thing but I need the other diapers when we are out shopping or go to the doctors office and such. Then I am going to run and find April cause she is taking some pics for me today.

I don't know if I going to stop and eat anywhere or not. I should cause Cassie will probably have supper at Nana's. But I hate going into a restaurant by myself and I don't like going through a fast food drive through and then eating in the parking lot. Maybe I can con April into going out with me again. I have to watch what I spend today cause Darren's direct deposit wasn't as much as they usually are and I will also have to get groceries....I have been thinking, however, of just letting Darren and Deb do grocery shopping while I am at the hospital.

I am going to do the dishes, vacuum and a little light dusting when I get home. Deb, Darren's mom, should be at our place around 8 and then right before Cassie goes to bed, she and I will clean her room before we read some books.

I don't know how much of all of this I am actually going to do today cause I just feel like sitting around tonight and I just might do that. I have been working like crazy the last week just so I can have this baby and come home. I need the rest.

~19 Hours and Some Odd Minutes~

MONSTERS IN THE NIGHT

I have always known that at sometime Cassie would come find me or her daddy in the middle of the night because something scared her, she had a bad dream, or there are monsters or ghosts after her. I just didn't expect it to be so soon.

I was worried about Cassie waking up during the night because she didn't have a nap during the day and she did come out of her bedroom around 9:30. She crawled up on the couch, looked at me with very tired eyes and said "Mommy, monster's after me." and she gave me one of the biggest hugs I think I have ever gotten from her.

So we went around and turned on the lights, I dug through her toy box and found her flashlight that Santa left at Nana's for her and we turned the flashlight on. I told her every time she saw a monster just point her flashlight at it and it would scare the monster away and they would leave her alone.

It worked. She sat on the couch for about an hour shaking her flashlight towards my bedroom door hollering "Monster go away". She was still very tired though so I filled up her juice cup told her we would go read books in her room. She gave me a funny look and held on to the flashlight for dear life and I told her that it was perfectly OK to take the flashlight with her and she came right along behind me to bed. Cassie passed out before I could get through one book and I went to bed at 11 pm.

I am glad that the flashlight worked on getting rid of her fear of whatever scared her but at the same time I felt really bad. One thing as a mom is that when something hurts or scares your child and you can't do much about it, it breaks your heart. I almost felt really bad leaving her after she fell asleep. I was almost going to stay in there for a while just in case she woke up scared again but I knew if I did that she would want me with her all the time during the night and with the baby coming along I can't be doing that kind of stuff.

I wonder what scared her. We don't let her watch scary movies or gruesome shows. All her books are First Beginner children books. Carson and Cassie were running around the house while Brandi and I were cleaning acting like monsters, maybe that had sometime to do with it. I am just happy we were able to take care of it so easy.

....and I really blessed Santa for the flashlight that evening.

WOW

Wow, what two women on a mission can accomplish. We got all the furniture in the living room moved around, vacuumed, dusted, and even got pictures hung on the walls so now the living room looks very cozy. I am very pleased with everything and how the whole house came together in two days. It has a whole different look to it and I am very happy with it. I am really excited to have people come over now and see how good the house actually looks. And I owe it all to Brandi.

Then Brandi took it upon her self to rearrange the kitchen. With my big belly and all the useless stuff we were "storing" in the kitchen it was hard for me to get around it in without hitting or bumping into something. Now there is more than enough room in the kitchen and all the junk is gone.

Later we went outside burn some boxes and papers and let the kids play. They really needed it after being in the house for so long. They really wind up when they have limited things to do. You can only ride the hobby horse, play with every toy in Cassie's bedroom, and watch Polar Express so many times until you need a change. And I have seen Polar Express so many times in the last two days that it's starting to drive me a little crazy.

Well, Cassie went the whole day without a nap and she burned out at 7:30. I am hoping that she is sleeping for the night, if not, she is probably going to wake up really early in the morning...like 3 or 4...and think she's going to stay up.

Tomorrow I am going to wash clothes and bedding that will be used this weekend. Cassie has Head Start at 3:30 and after that we are just going to lounge around. It's going to be nice to just sit for 2 days and know that everything is in place.

A DAY OF REARRANGING

Today I had to clean up my house after all the rearranging that my husband did while he was home on Sunday. As I was staring at the mess, I just couldn't get myself to pick up anything since I was sore and tired. I did clean my bathroom, however it took 3 hours.

At noon I got a hold of Brandi and she and Carson met Cassie and I at the Leeds Cafe for lunch. As I was talking to her about everything that went on over the weekend, she agreed to come over to my place and help me reorganize Cassie's room, the living room, and maybe even the back room.

We did pretty good and the kids played well. We got Cassie's room totally taken care of. We moved the old dresser out, the new one in and even got the clothes in the dresser, took out the changing table and rocking chair. We moved all the toys, books, and puzzles, and her plush Dora the Explorer chair from the living room into Cassie's now more spacious bedroom.

We were working on the living room. We got the china cabinet moved, both couches and the Lay-Z-Boy recliner moved to positions that we sort of like. We love the cabinet where it is now, but the rest of the furniture is giving us some problems so we still have to work some on it.

Brandi is going to come over tomorrow and help finish the living room and if we have the time I may ask for help with our bedroom and the back room that I would eventually like to us as a bedroom for both kids.

I must admit, without Brandi I would be at a total loss and nothing would be done. She has helped me so much right now. I was worried today that I wasn't going to have anything in place by the time Darren's mom got here on Thursday but with everything that Brandi has done, I am sure we will have the house together by tomorrow evening. I also have to thank her because of how sore and tired that I have been, I must admit that she has done about 98% of the work which I really appreciate.

Brandi and Carson left around 7:30 because Carson and Cassie both were getting pretty tired. After they took off, I washed my dishes and put Cassie to bed. Tomorrow I am going to finish up the kitchen before Brandi comes over so at least the bathroom, Cassie's room, and the kitchen are in order.

I can't wait for Darren to get home on Thursday. Nothing is in the same place that it was when he left on Sunday with the exception of the appliances in the kitchen. I hope that he and his parents like the house.

~4 DAYS~

GETTING READY

Darren and I kept ourselves pretty much busy all day. When Cassie laid down for her nap we rearranged our bedroom to get the crib and everything that we needed in a proper place. Darren was even able to move the hide-a-bed couch down the hallway and into the back room....I knew it would fit!!! He said that the reason he didn't move it during Thanksgiving was because he wasn't in the Christmas spirit this year and didn't want the tree up. I don't know why he just couldn't have told me that in November. We got things moved around in the living room and now I just have to clean and straightened stuff up tomorrow and Tuesday and the house should look decent. If it doesn't, I'm not going to apologize for it to anyone. I have been too busy trying to do so much by myself I just don't care what anyone thinks lately because I know I am doing what I can. If I wasn't nine months pregnant it would be a little different too.

I am excited about Thursday. It will be nice to have a few belly pics taken by April. I am very content with April taking them because I know she won't make me look stupid like I usually do in other pics people take of me. I just have to remember to bring in their gift this time.....or put it in my hospital bag because I am sure the O'Brien's will come up to the hospital over the weekend.

~5 DAYS....CAN YOU BELIEVE IT???~

TWELVE SIGNS THAT YOU HAVE HAD TOO MUCH TO DRINK

. 

. 

. 

. 

. 

. 

. 

. 

.