I AM SAD AND VERY SCARED
Today I left Darren with the girls while I ran to town to get a computer disk from my parents house and to get milk at the grocery store. when I got back home it was time for the girls to have lunch. I decided to run to the bathroom quickly before starting lunch. When I got into the bathroom, I noticed I was bleeding. Any bleeding is not good while you are pregnant.
My mom was working in the emergency room at the hospital today so I called ER to speak with her. She was going to let the front desk know that I was coming in.
I got to the hospital a little past 1 o'clock. They put me in an ER room right away where I waited until 1:30 for lab to come and take some blood. After lab, I waited another two hours before the doctor came in. I can't remember everything specifically what the doctor said, but it basically boiled down to this. Your blood produces a number when you are pregnant. The higher the number, the farther along that you are. 0 to 25 you are not pregnant, anything above 25 is pregnant. Then they compare these numbers to a chart that has numbers of what your blood should be producing at a particular stage in pregnancy. If they notice a drop in numbers, than they know something is happening inside the tummy. My number was only 0.2, not even zero, which means I am not pregnant.
I was very mad, upset, sad and confused. I just had a positive pregnancy test at the clinic on Wednesday. Thursday I had an ultrasound and the techs made it sound like there was something there. How could all this happen in just three days? The doctor explained that you can miscarry up to two weeks before you start bleeding. I probably miscarried a while ago and there was still enough HCG hormone in my body to make the test positive or the doc also thought that possibility the embryo was not viable and nothing I did specifically did caused this.
The doctor said that something did show on the ultrasound. I have a mass, and it is not a small mass either. It is 8 cm x 7 cm x 7 cm and it is near, or on, my left ovary. The mass is bigger than my bladder. This is most likely the reason for my abdomen and left side pain and will more than likely need to be surgically removed. Notes where placed in my chart and I go to the clinic and see my regular doctor Monday. I need to go to lab too, where they will re-run all the of blood tests and do another pregnancy test just to make sure that it comes back negative. Then we will discuss what this means for future pregnancies and we will also go over the mass in the ultrasound more in detail and probably make arrangements for me to see an OB/GYN to have it looked at.
It is hard to put into words exactly how I feel. After we told everyone we were having a baby I started to feel really excited about the baby. When I told Darren I was pregnant again, he said he did want another baby which made me feel very good about it. Now everything caved in terribly and I am up for several terrible months ahead. The thought about the mass scares me to death. My grandmother died from ovarian cancer. I don't want to die from cancer at 40. I want to be here for my girls. Only time will tell what is going to happen.
My mom was working in the emergency room at the hospital today so I called ER to speak with her. She was going to let the front desk know that I was coming in.
I got to the hospital a little past 1 o'clock. They put me in an ER room right away where I waited until 1:30 for lab to come and take some blood. After lab, I waited another two hours before the doctor came in. I can't remember everything specifically what the doctor said, but it basically boiled down to this. Your blood produces a number when you are pregnant. The higher the number, the farther along that you are. 0 to 25 you are not pregnant, anything above 25 is pregnant. Then they compare these numbers to a chart that has numbers of what your blood should be producing at a particular stage in pregnancy. If they notice a drop in numbers, than they know something is happening inside the tummy. My number was only 0.2, not even zero, which means I am not pregnant.
I was very mad, upset, sad and confused. I just had a positive pregnancy test at the clinic on Wednesday. Thursday I had an ultrasound and the techs made it sound like there was something there. How could all this happen in just three days? The doctor explained that you can miscarry up to two weeks before you start bleeding. I probably miscarried a while ago and there was still enough HCG hormone in my body to make the test positive or the doc also thought that possibility the embryo was not viable and nothing I did specifically did caused this.
The doctor said that something did show on the ultrasound. I have a mass, and it is not a small mass either. It is 8 cm x 7 cm x 7 cm and it is near, or on, my left ovary. The mass is bigger than my bladder. This is most likely the reason for my abdomen and left side pain and will more than likely need to be surgically removed. Notes where placed in my chart and I go to the clinic and see my regular doctor Monday. I need to go to lab too, where they will re-run all the of blood tests and do another pregnancy test just to make sure that it comes back negative. Then we will discuss what this means for future pregnancies and we will also go over the mass in the ultrasound more in detail and probably make arrangements for me to see an OB/GYN to have it looked at.
It is hard to put into words exactly how I feel. After we told everyone we were having a baby I started to feel really excited about the baby. When I told Darren I was pregnant again, he said he did want another baby which made me feel very good about it. Now everything caved in terribly and I am up for several terrible months ahead. The thought about the mass scares me to death. My grandmother died from ovarian cancer. I don't want to die from cancer at 40. I want to be here for my girls. Only time will tell what is going to happen.
posted by Janelle @ 6:37 PM
2 Comments:
At January 20, 2007 at 11:10 PM,
tlawwife said…
Oh my what a roller coaster you are on. Sending you blogger hugs.
At January 22, 2007 at 3:04 PM,
Anonymous said…
I am so sorry to hear about your loss. It is so difficult to lose a child no matter what age they are. There was nothing you could have done and let yourself grieve.There are some really good support groups and information online. It really helped me. Just thought I'd throw that out there in case that was anything you were interested in. I hope everything works out with your surgery. I'm sure it must be a very scary and unhappy time for you right now. I'll be praying for you.
-Josie
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