My Super Bowl Evening
Well, I thought going over to my parents for the Super Bowl would kinda be fun but I couldn't have been more wrong. My dad doesn't have any patience for children and when we were growing up he wasn't really around the house much to help my mom raise us. To start things off, Cassidy likes to be bounced on your feet when you are sitting in a chair. Cassidy tried to go over to my dad and sit on his feet to be bounced many times. My dad moved his chair around but Cassidy was determined, my dad got annoyed and picked her up quickly and kinda tossed her over to my mom. Cassidy landed on her feet and she laughed about it so I didn't say anying even though it made me really mad that he handled her like that. Then a little later Cassidy was playing on the kitchen floor and stuck her finger in the air vent and got it stuck. I thought it was funny and my mom helped Cassidy get her finger out. My dad shook his head, rolled his eyes and the annoyance was turning to anger so I didn't say anything. After the air vent, she was pushing this old little metal bus that used to be my brothers around the living room. My mom and dad have a DVD player on the floor in front of the TV and she went over there and was going to roll the bus on top of the player. My dad hollered at me to watch her as I went across the living room to fetch her. Cassidy also likes to play on the DVD player too and shortly after I fetched her and the bus she was on her way back over there and climb on it. I ran to get her as I could see the anger get higher in my dad's face. Then, not even a second after I put her down and turned around she was back over there and my dad literally jumped off his chair, grabbed her hard, and pull her to him. You could tell by the sound of his voice that he was just pissed. I went up next to him and he was trying to act like he wasn't mad by trying to tickle her but the sound in his voice was still here. I told him "dad, she's just little" and his exact words to me were "don't dad me. she's little but her mother is older." Now since Cassidy has been born I have always questioned my ability to be a mom. I don't feel like a good mother and I always question my decisions on what to do about things concerning Cassidy. She's happy and growing well so I know that my decisions have been well made, I just never feel like they are. There are many days when I think Cassidy may be better off with my mom. What my dad said just killed me. It destroyed every piece of confidence that I had thinking that I could hopefully be half the mother my mom is. I was on the verge of crying, I could feel my eyes as the tears built up but I was too embarrassed to let myself do it in front of my family. He has gotten mad before when she's been over there, but I have never seen him do that to her and I think that is what hurt me most. I wouldn't even let Darren handle her like that. Very soon after that I went outside and started the car so Cassidy and I could leave, I didn't care to be there anymore after that. I felt like we were in the way and definately not wanted there. My mom took Cassidy to put her in her jamas and a clean diaper. When I came in from starting the car dad asked if I was staying to watch the game and I told him no. My dad said that I should and least stay and watch the rest of the game. He had to been joking because after what he said and how he acted, how could he expect me to stay and enjoy the game??? Cassidy would just do something else to piss him off and I would be running around after her not even watching the game. It was easier to just come home and put her to bed. I love my family, especially my mom and dad. They have given to me more than any child can expect to receive from their parents and they are always there for me but I don't want to take her over there anymore when she upsets him so much. A grandparent should want to see their grandchild, not to make the parent feel like the grandchild is just a burden to them and that's exactly how I feel when it comes to Cassidy and my dad. She's always in his way, doing something she shouldn't, talking/hollering/crying too loud, running off with something she shouldn't and more than once he has said that he shouldn't change things or habits around the house just to fit Cassidy and he has also stated that he's had to make "several" adjustments because of her and he shouldn't have to do that in his own home. I think he's right, he shouldn't have to make adjustments just because of Cassidy and it hurts me too much anymore to want to take her over there anymore when he's home. I just end up feeling like less of a mom because, again, Cassidy did something wrong.
posted by Janelle @ 9:57 PM
3 Comments:
At February 6, 2005 at 11:28 PM,
Karissa (mommy) said…
Man, I feel awful for you. I know how you feel though, at least about the feeling like less of a mother. Sometimes I feel that way to when people make comments about Isabella. Some people have said that she's spoiled and that she needs to be socialized more. First of all, she's not spoiled, she's 4 1/2 months old, so I don't think you can spoil a child that young. Second, yes she probably does need to be socialized, but like my mom has said, am I supposed to go walking down the street in the middle of winter and ask someone to play with my daughter? It's amazing sometimes how people can say and do things that just make you feel like you are the worst mom in the world. I don't think you are. Cassidly, from what I've seen, looks happy and healthy. The way you talk about her you can tell how much you love and care about her. For me when people say things that make me feel like a shitty mom it tears me up inside and makes me question almost everything I'm doing for Isabella. The only thing that makes me remember that I'm doing the right things for her is when its just me and her, or us with Doug, and she's so incredibly happy. She smiles and every now and then she's started giggling. She looks at you with her huge eyes and gives you a smile that makes you want to smile forever. That's the only thing that probably keeps me going some days. It seems like no matter what anyone else says, sometimes they can't make you feel like a great mommy. But I'm sure when you're with Cassidy you feel the same way I do. You are her mom, you DO know what's best for her because you are probably the one person in the world who knows the most about her. I know this is all sounding kind of cheesy, but when it comes to my baby there's nothing too cheesy.
At February 7, 2005 at 4:04 PM,
April said…
I'm not a mother, but I know you and Darren, and I think you two are perfect parents. You dad is just like that, I think he always has been. Was he like that with you? probably. I think he should have to make changes to accomidate Cassidy when she is there. She is a child, and he is her grandfather, you and Cassie shouldn't feel like your constantly on his last nerve, that is HIS problem, NOT YOURS! That is an adjustment HE has to make, not you! I'm sure every mother wants to make every right decision for their children,but you know that isn't gonna happen. you're going to make mistakes, you've never been a mom and babies grow and change every day, no day is going to be the same as the last, that is what your mom is there for, advise. When it comes to your own child, you know what works and what doesn't. NO ONE else can claim to be her mother, you have that bond that can not be broken and she will love you more than she loves anyone... ever. Don't raise your child to make other people happy, raise your child to make HER happy.
At February 9, 2005 at 11:50 AM,
Josie, group organizer said…
I know what it feels like to have your parents (in your case parent) make you feel like a failure and worthless. As far as your mom is concerned remember she's raised a couple of kids and for more than a couple of decades so she's going to have a little more experiance than you. That's all it is. Experiance. The only way you get that is by making mistakes and learning. The worst thing in my opinion you could do is have your mother raise Cassidy. She's only a few months old!! I'd be a little afraid if you knew how to do every parenting trick perfectly and smoothly. You guys are great parents. Not too mention your mom must have had a hell of time since you're dad wasn't very involved. Your dad is from a different generation, that's not an excuse, but maybe a bit of an understanding. Maybe if he's involved a lot in Cassidy's life he will think he was a failure as a dad and he probably has a lot of pride. He's probably one of those people who believes children should be seen and not heard. I'm sure he loves you and Cassidy. His way of joking around might have also been an attempt at an apology. His ideals are wrong. It's not your job to keep Cassidy from exploring everything and that you're a bad parent if she got into something. She's a child. That's what they do. You're mother is just trying to be as helpful as she can. I'm sure she'd want you to visit all the time. Maybe you could try shorter visits or ask your dad when a good time would be to come over when he'd like and be ready to play with his grandaughter. That might not work either. If nothing else just let his words go in one ear and out the other and focus on being with your mom. It's up to him to come around and not your job to get him there. Just remember that he's wrong.
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