LONELY, MIDTERMS, AND CLEANING

I finally had time to get out and do some grocery shopping which was WAY overdue. I cleaned out all my cupboards, the freezers, and the fridge. I threw out all the really old stuff and a friend of mine came and picked up all the perishables that the girls and I didn't like or don't eat anymore. I was very happy to give her all that stuff. She really needed it for her family. It made me feel really good that I could help someone out like that, even though I do not have much to give myself. I could tell that the gesture of just giving her the food meant a lot to her.

I am REALLY starting to miss my husband. I want him to come home now. Things have really started to feel empty and unwhole. I miss the little things that once annoyed me and the things he would do that made me laugh. Things did get a little rough, but there's still a lot of love that I cannot bear to imagine throwing away. Thinking about everything and all the things we have done together makes me very said. I hate thinking about the time it will take to do the whole dating thing all over again before (or if) he moves back in. I wish there was an Easy button that I could push like they do in those commercials to help everything along, but unfortunately, this will take time and I will have to be patient with everything. I have thought about things that I have been doing that I could sacrifice and give up to make things work. The thinking has even gone as far being able to sell the horses if it came down to it. I am ready to do ANYTHING to make our marriage work out. I am hoping Darren calls sometime soon to let me know if he is coming home this weekend to see the girls. Hopefully we will have a little time to talk too. I know that he was supposed to start down in Mandaree sometime this week. If he is down there, I will not see him until it the job gets finished or if there is too much snow to do any work. I really want to see him once more before heading for this job.

I am working on finishing up midterms. I cannot believe that midterm is here already! Class work has been keeping me very busy along with housework. I have almost got everything put in proper places, got rid of the crap I really don't need and have not used in 3 years or more. I feel like I am going through a huge spring cleaning thing. I don't know why I have turned into a cleaning, cooking Susie Homemaker, but I have. I feel like I am "nesting." It's odd and a little spooky to think about.