SHOPPING AND A PHONE CALL

Yesterday, my sister watched the girls so Rainy and I could go to Fargo/Grand Forks and do some thrift store shopping. We made it to Savers, where I found some cute clothing for the girls. I found a nice pair of cargo pants and two nice tops at Plato's Closet. We checked out Once Upon A Child and prices there were not that more cheaper than buying something new so we didn't pick up anything there. Our last stop in Fargo, after meeting up with Cole at Famous Dave's for lunch, was to Fantasy Costumes to get outfits for the Halloween party at Camp Grafton and then went back to Grand Forks. It was getting late when we got to Grand Forks so we just stopped at Victoria's Secret to get fitted and pick up some nice....well, everyone knows the kinds of things purchased at Victoria's Secret. Then we stopped to see Rainy's father at the hospital and we were on our way home. We had a lot of fun that day and we are definitely doing that again. Next time though, we are leaving much earlier so that we can hit all the stores we want to and be home sooner.

On the drive home, Darren called. Not two minutes into the phone call Darren said,"You already have a boyfriend don't you." That made me so upset that I hung up on him. Darren did call back. I told him that he made the decisions for things to be this way and I am going to hang out with my friends if they invite me to do something. He said he wasn't mad about it, just that I am doing it a lot more. He also said that he thinks he made a mistake and wants to work stuff out. I told him I would have to have a day or two to think about what I need from him to make the relationship work. He has said things that have hurt very bad. I worry about if it is possible to have the relationship that we had back after he said that he has not loved me for a long time. You cannot spend time away from someone you don't love and then magically wake up one day thinking you are totally in love with that person again. I don't want our family to fall apart, but I want to feel loved, to know that I am loved, have a great mental and physical connection to my partner, have my partner there for me 100% and will defend me in front of friends and family, to have him involved 50/50 with the children and everything else we do as a family, and have him want to be be with me and go out places together. I have a lot to think about. And why would you ask me about a boyfriend if you wanted to fix things? Are we going to spend the rest of our relationship saying stuff like that to each other? I think it is more complicated now that it ever was.